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Sep
4
2012

Fiction Short: If She’s Anything Like Me

in Short Fiction

 

Photo by ghennigan on www.sxc.hu

“It’s her eyes. I just don’t know how to describe them. They are ice blue, but they are still so warm and inviting. I think I could stare at them for hours. I just get lost in them,” Mike said.

“Simmer down, man,” James laughed. “I swear every time we come in here you act like you’re going to hyperventilate. Just ask her out already.”

“I can’t. When she gets close, my tongue just goes numb.” He rubbed the palms of his hands across his khakis in a failed attempt to dry them. Those hands were as steady as a good Spring rain three hours ago when they were wrapped around a heart during transplant, but there was something about this waitress that made him feel like a nervous school boy again.

“Trust me, I’ve noticed. Look, I know you’ve been out of the game awhile, but it isn’t hard. Just say, ‘hi, my name is Dr. Mike Hutchinson and I would like to take you out on Friday night.’”

“Tell her I’m a surgeon? That’s crazy.”

“Women dig doctors,” James said as he patted his shoulder. “Trust me on this.”

“It isn’t that easy,” Mike said.

“There’s a lot of good food on there today, right? I’d recommend the pulled pork,” Debbie said as she returned to the table with two glasses of water. “That’s the best special of the day.”

“We’ll take two of those,” James said. “Thanks.”

“Glad I could help.”

As she walked off, Mike’s tongue untied and he smelled the air. “She smells like a field of flowers.”

“Dude, you’ve got it bad,” James laughed. “You’re just pathetic.  If you don’t ask her out, I’m not coming back here with you. ” James jokingly hit the hardwood table with his hand like a judge delivering a verdict. “We come in here at least twice a week just to gawk at this waitress. Stop window shopping and get serious about buying.”

“I’m not gawking. I’m admiring.”

“Either way, just ask the woman out.”

“I can’t,” he said.

“Can’t what?” Debbie asked as she returned to the table with napkins and forks.

“He’s just having a little problem,” James said.

“I love problems,” Debbie said. “I always wanted to be an advice columnist. Lay it on me.”

Mike’s face begged James not to.

“My friend here has a crush on this woman,” James began. “But he hasn’t dated in a while and he’s kind of nervous about asking her out.”

“I see,” Debbie said. “Tell me about her.”

James looked at Mike and smiled. “Well, she’s about your height, your weight. She has your color of hair too.”

Mike’s cheeks turned red.

“And what else do you know about her?” she asked. “I think I could buy her a dress, but what do you know about the actual girl herself?”

“She smells like flowers,” Mike whispered.

“What?” she asked.

He cleared his throat and tried again. “I love the way she smells. She smells like flowers.”

James jumped in. “My friend is so interested in this girl that he drives from the hospital to where this woman works twice a week just to spend time with her even though he is often exhausted from double-shifts.”

“I see,” she smiled as she ran her fingers through her long brown hair. “Well, why don’t you just ask her out?”

“I don’t really know how,” Mike said. “I haven’t dated in years. I’m a little scared of rejection.”

“Um-hmm,” she said. “Let’s practice.”

“Practice?” he asked.

“This is what you do. You just walk up to her and say, ‘hi, my name is Mike. I’m a little bit shy, but I’ve wanted to ask you out for a while. Would you like to go to a movie on Sunday night?”

“What movies are playing that you think she might like?” Mike asked.

“They are playing Sleepless in Seattle as a movie rewind at the theater on Sunday night. Women love that movie,” she offered.

“Ok, so then what would she say?” Mike asked.

“Well, if she’s anything like me, she’d say she would really like to do that but that movies usually make her hungry,” Debbie said.

“Hungry for what?” Mike asked.

“Italian, she would be really impressed if you took her to that new restaurant over by the pier.”

“Maggiano’s?” Mike asked.

“That’s it. Maggiano’s.”

“I could do that,” he said. “But what if she says no?”

“She won’t. She will probably think it was about time that you finally asked her out. In fact,” she walked to the bar and scribbled something on the back of a napkin, “she will probably make it really easy by handing you her address and number.”

“You think she would do that?” Mike asked.

“If she’s anything like me, she will be glad you asked.”

“7:00 good?” Mike smiled.

“Absolutely,” Debbie replied as walked away.

“Now that wasn’t so hard was it?” James laughed as he patted his friend on the back.

“It was the easiest ask-out I think I’ve ever had,” Mike laughed.


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