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Oct
25
2013

dogs sign

Photo by garwee on www.sxc.hu

As a teenager I was taught that boys are like dogs. They know what they want, but the girl holds the leash. The girl sets the limits. While I wouldn’t refer to my husband as a dog, the analogy stuck with me. Unfortunately it appears that today’s single women have lost their leashes. The idea of courting and romance have been overpowered by sex and no one seems to be setting limits. Romance has died and instant gratification has taken its place.

Look at the cover of most genre romance novels and you will quickly conclude that today’s culture intertwines the idea of romance and sex. I completely disagree. Romance is an ongoing act of showing love and appreciation to someone. Examples of romance can include buying things like flowers and chocolates, sure, but there is way more to romance than spending money.

As a woman who has been married for more years than she was single, romance to me is more about the little things than the big ones. This week, for example, my husband came home early to watch the kids because I was volunteering at a dyslexia simulation. I returned home to a house of fed and sleeping kids AND a clean kitchen. That, to me is romantic.

Romance is turning off the TV and having a conversation at night. Romance is spending as much time listening as talking. Romance is sending a text in the middle of the day just to say “I love you.”

It scares me to death for my kids (especially my daughter) to grow up because today’s youth have such a skewed vision of love and sex and romance, but those ideas start at home. As marriages fall apart and kids are raised (or unfortunately neglected in some cases) in the middle of the turmoil, it’s only logical that they’d come across as synical about the idea of a lifelong love.

I’ll admit that my first thought is that men need to step up to the plate and be men. They need to remember how to treat a lady like a lady. They need to reconnect with the fine art of romance and become the Ephesians 5 husband.

But the reality is that a lot of men have no reason to treat a woman like a lady because she doesn’t see herself as one. If women don’t have any self-respect, it is only natural that men would treat them the way they treat themselves.

It’s a Catch-22.

My goal, as a wife, is to conduct my life in such a way that my husband wants to romance me. I don’t live in sweatpants. I do kind and loving gestures for him, and I still flirt with him as if we were dating. I remind him constantly of how amazing he is and of just how smart he is for both having said yes to my first date request AND for having asked me to marry him.

In return, he is consistently the man that God designed him to be for me. He respects me, loves me, romances me, and is a daddy to his kids. And the cycle continues as I respect him, respect myself, romance him, and am the best mom that I know how to be.

Of all the marriages I have ever seen up-close, I don’t think I have ever found one that I was envious of. I truly believe that the steps we took early in our relationship to separate love, romance, and sex is paying off in a great way as our marriage progresses. My kids see a healthy, stable, loving marriage, and I pray to God that they can find that for themselves one day. My husband and I were blessed to have found it very early in life, but the real test is whether a person can wait for the best or if they settle for what’s available.


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